About Me

Hi! I’m Henk

Relationship Coach

I help people intentionally create

a meaningful relationship.

I coach couples for intentional change

toward long-lasting, enduring relationships

Intentionally Intimate Relationships

I work as an Intentionally Intimate Relationship coach providing practical, research based tools to build long-lasting relationships.

Build lasting intimacy

I hope to help you and your partner to improve your emotional connection and build lasting intimacy.

Non-judgmental

I prefer to hold to a non-judgemental style where I can focus upon understanding your problem story and help you to create a new connected story into your future together.

Research based coaching

I am an Intentionally Intimate Relationship coach providing practical, research based tools to build long-lasting relationships. I am drawn to a non-judgemental style and the capacity to see the root problem. I assist where you and your partner can improve your emotional connection and build lasting intimacy.

Henk Ensing | Relationships Coach

B.Ed. Degree, University of Waikato; Associate of Science Degree, Brigham Young University Hawaii; post graduate studies in Conflict Resolution within relationships, University of Waikato (2019). More …

 You’re taking a huge step towards creating a happy and long-lasting relationship just by learning some simple skills that can make a huge difference in your relationship.

You are not alone. It is probably not as impossible as you might think. Change is not only possible, it is intended.

I believe that there is no greater joy than that which can be had within good, loving, family relationships.

I believe that couples are meant to live in love and unity with respect for each other. I can help you with that.

A secure, meaningful relationship

My mission is to support each couple in cultivating a secure and meaningful relationship. In essence, I want you to have the knowledge and skills on how to express your needs, be creative in conflict, and be playful in your relationship.

Step 1: Get to know me

Hi, I’m Henk, and I’m glad you’re here because it means you’re exploring ways to improve your relationship.

Cultivating a passionate and meaningful relationship is one of the most fulfilling experiences there is. I believe that every day you can wake up to a better relationship.

Step 2: Join the community

I am here to support you on cultivating a passionate relationship that brings out the best in you. I can’t promise it will be easy, but I can promise that it will be worth it.

The best way to start your journey to a healthier, happier and more meaningful relationship is to subscribe below to receive the latest articles and exclusive subscriber-only tools.

Relationship Coach

“Do you want personal support in turning your relationship around? Then book a session by going here.

“Would you like to transform fighting from being hurtful to being a catalyst for intimacy and connection? I can coach you in several simple skills that have have far reaching effects.”

“In a way, acquiring relationship skills can be like learning Aikido, a Japanese self-defense martial art. It is immensely beneficial to have third-party perspective from a skilled coach. Also, you need to practice on people.”

More ...

 Some years ago our family enrolled in Aikedo, a modern Japanese martial art. We learned the goal is to defend ourselves while also protecting our attacker from injury.

Aikido became our family sport for the year.

Aikedo cannot be mastered by reading a book or a blog about it. Neither can Aikedo be learned in isolation from others. To learn Aikedo we needed our sensei (coach) to guide us. To observe what we were doing. We needed to practice on each other many times until the moves became natural to us. Learning relationship skills is very much like learning Aikido.

As a couple, you can benefit from relationship-coach interventions. A coach can observe what each of you are doing, or saying. Also, both of you can improve your relationship by practicing the relationship skills at home.

Your home is your dojo (gymn). With practice, over time, you will both learn how to communicate with greater skill in a natural way without injuring each other.

It’s a date. OK?

Change together!

Relationship Coaching

The Therapist’s Role in Effective Marriage and Family Therapy Practice: The Case for Evidence Based Therapists
Blow, Adrian J; Karam, Eli A.Administration and Policy in Mental Health and Mental Health Services Research; New York Vol. 44, Iss. 5, (Sep 2017): 716-723. DOI:10.1007/s10488-016-0768-8

Abstract In this paper we argue that the therapist is a crucial change variable in psychotherapy as a whole and in couple, marital, and family therapy specifcally. Therapists who work with complex systems require more skills to negotiate demanding therapy contexts. Yet, little is known about what differentiates effective couple, marital, and family therapists from those who are less effective, what innate therapy skills they possess, how they learn, and how they operationalize their knowledge in the therapy room. We discuss the need to emphasize evidence based therapists (as opposed to therapies), and implications of the importance of the role therapists for training, practice, research priorities, and policy. Keywords Therapist · Couple, marital, and family therapist · Evidence based therapists

Introduction In psychotherapy generally and in couple, marital, and family therapy specifically, numerous studies and metaanalyses have pointed to the critical role of the therapist in change processes; the therapist is a central figure in positive (and negative) therapeutic change (Blow et al. 2007; Wampold 2001). This statement implies that evidence based practice is not solely comprised of well validated, theoretically coherent treatments, found in lifeless books/ manuals. Rather, effective practice occurs through competent clinicians who draw from the best evidence available as well as lean on their clinical wisdom. A growing body of literature indicates that there is no doubt that effective treatment fows through wise, skilled, and fexible clinicians (Wampold 2001; Wampold and Brown 2005; Wampold and Imel 2015). These clinicians are able to engage client systems, navigate the therapy process, and work with openness to feedback from their clients about progress. Ideally, these clinicians deliver treatments informed by the best available evidence, and which ft well with the cultural and contextual components of the clients with whom they work (APA Presidential Task Force on Evidence-Based Practice 2006). These clinicians require therapeutic wisdom and elasticity, knowing when to shift direction and try something new when therapy is not going well. In short, effective therapists are able to work in evidence informed ways, adhering to evidence-based treatment approaches where indicated, and departing from these approaches when suggested by the client system, treatment progress, or the therapeutic context.

Counseling and coaching in times of crisis and transitions : from research to practice
Laura Nota 1966- author. Salvatore Soresi, author.
Abingdon, Oxon ; New York, NY : Routledge . 2018

Counseling and Coaching in Times of Crisis and Transition explores how threats and challenges caused by rapid social and technological changes require counselors and coaches to rethink their usual ways of working, and, in some cases, even abandon their traditional theoretical anchors. The authors of this forward-thinking book argue that practitioners who aim to help others strengthen their resources can no longer afford to wait for clients in their offices or offer them protected, objective and neutral professional relationships.
Contributors from around the world argue that there is a real need for new counseling and coaching actions to be delivered in different contexts: counselors and coaches should be able to use heterogeneous languages and interventions, as well as numerous relationship modalities and activities in order to streamline the support that they offer to people in sectors as diverse as health and well-being, life and career design, prevention and community inclusion, work inclusion, and schools. The book provides an evidence-based framework, with numerous counseling and coaching examples that are capable of promoting people’s strengths, whether this be face-to-face, in groups, or online.
This book will appeal to academics, researchers and postgraduate students in the fields of counseling and coaching, as well as those with an interest in psychological, social and educational science. It should also be essential reading for practitioners and policymakers in a diverse range of contexts, including those working on intervention and support for vulnerable people, non-traditional and disadvantaged students, and people with disabilities.

Marriage Coaching
Marriage Coaching Each of Henk’s breakthrough marriage coaching sessions lasts for 110 minutes and is custom-built to suit your unique circumstances, which she will discuss with you in your first session together. How Many Coaching Sessions? Three to six sessions is normally all that is required to deliver a substantial improvement in your relationship, and more specifically, the way in which you communicate with one another and approach any difficulty you may be encountering. These sessions with Henk Ensing are for couples or individuals. During these 110 minute sessions, you will discover… Why your relationship is failing and exactly what you need to do to fix it. (During these sessions, Henk will work with you, individually or together, to determine the reasons for your continuing conflict, and then provide you with the specific tools you need to work past that conflict and enjoy a mutually loving, respectful relationship). The repetitive patterns of behaviour that are pulling you apart. (Once you know what these are and what they look like, you can start to address them head on, for the long-term benefit of your relationship!) Why a lack of communication is the single biggest reason for your relationship problems. (Poor communication, and subsequently a failure to properly understand one another’s needs and wants is the single biggest reason for all relationship problems). How to re-establish a secure emotional attachment bond and connection, by listening attentively to each other’s point of view. (Helen truly believes that most relationships fail/breakdown due to both parties feeling unloved, unwanted, unheard, and most of all, no longer feeling respected or appreciated. When this balance is restored the emotional response that you long for will be able to flow between you). How to rebuild any loss of respect. (Respect is crucial in the healing of a fractured relationship. When this is restored to its natural balance, the love, passion and connection that you used to share will be revived). How to properly listen to one another, and become aware of your “Reaction and Response” to any given situation. (This is particularly important if two people are caught in a power struggle, as the slightest reaction will “trigger” a reactive response in your partner who may feel under attack and consequently become emotionally shut down, leading to you experiencing the devastating effects of abandonment and rejection. Many couples continue to relate to one another in the same “negative” way, over and over again. Helen will show you how to break these patterns that you have become so familiar with). How to end the vicious cycle of communication breakdown, anger, bitterness, resentment and “silences” that can create a toxic atmosphere between you. (Many relationships become stuck in a negative “loop” that they’re unable to escape from. Helen will show you why this is happening, and exactly what you need to do to finally break free. Once you know how to achieve this, you will begin to feel connected and appreciated once again, and most of all, you will experience what it’s truly like to feel genuine warmth, respect and love from one another).
Money in Marriage issues
Marriage can be difficult. Working through hard times as a couple can be among one of the most difficult challenges in life. At times, it can feel as though you’re all alone, but you’re not. God designed marriage to include you, your spouse, and Him. The video below explains more about the beauty and unity that can be found in this covenant. WHAT WE BELIEVE We believe that we are people who are far from perfect, but that we have a perfect God – Jesus Christ, who loves us so much that He died for our sins and rose again so that we can be with Him forever. We believe that Jesus’ life is recorded in the Bible, and that the whole of the Bible points to Him, and His life, death and resurrection. We believe that the Bible is the way God speaks to us today; it tells us how we can get to know Him and how He has shown us how to live the best life possible. We are passionate about sharing Jesus with everyone we know and sharing the joy and eternal life He provides. Best Online Marriage Counseling Services – November 2019 According to the American Psychological Association, roughly 50% of marriages end in divorce. However, this doesn’t have to be the case and the trend may even be reversing course. Whether it’s due to time constraints or various myths associated with marriage counseling, many unhappy couples do not seek out therapy to help save their relationships. But with the emergence of online marriage counseling, more couples have been able to work through the issues in a more efficient and discreet environment. The following table compares the top online marriage counseling services today. All of them connect you with licensed therapists with experience and training in marriage counseling, but they differ in the various features they offer. Choosing a therapy provider is an important decision, so make sure you pick the best online marriage counseling website for your needs.
Power and control issues
HAVE A HEALTHY MARRIAGE ONCE AGAIN Best Online Marriage Counseling Services – November 2019 According to the American Psychological Association, roughly 50% of marriages end in divorce. However, this doesn’t have to be the case and the trend may even be reversing course. Whether it’s due to time constraints or various myths associated with marriage counseling, many unhappy couples do not seek out therapy to help save their relationships. But with the emergence of online marriage counseling, more couples have been able to work through the issues in a more efficient and discreet environment. The following table compares the top online marriage counseling services today. All of them connect you with licensed therapists with experience and training in marriage counseling, but they differ in the various features they offer. Choosing a therapy provider is an important decision, so make sure you pick the best online marriage counseling website for your needs. What is Online Therapy? Online therapy, the digital-age version of counseling services, is a more affordable, convenient and discrete method of receiving therapy. It began when a few pioneers saw a large opportunity in the mental health industry. They noticed that millions of people were living without access to professional mental health services. They also understood that in numerous industries, physical services were being replaced with digital alternatives that can save time for customers. These innovators decided to create online therapy platforms, which connect licensed therapists with people in need of professional counseling services. The therapists on each platform have been pre-screened by that company to meet their requirements for years of experience, educational background, certification, licensing, specialties and more. Once these therapists join the platform, they are available to work with new customers that sign up. The customers can provide feedback on how satisfied they are with each therapist, allowing the online therapy providers to improve the quality of their services by coaching or removing therapists with low satisfaction scores. Customers signing up with these therapy sites typically complete a brief questionnaire that evaluates their individual needs. This information is used to match them to therapists with relevant professional experience and backgrounds. The customers and therapists are then introduced online and begin communicating via messaging, live chat, phone calls, mobile app, or video conferencing. The exact communication options vary between the different services. Those companies listed by our editors as being among the best online therapy services tend to offer more communication options for maximum convenience. Aside from being more affordable and convenient than in-person therapy, another major benefit is that if the customer is dissatisfied with their therapist, they can be assigned a new one with a few days. Compared with the awkward and time-consuming, process of switching in-person therapists, this may just be the most underrated advantage of online therapy. While the online therapy industry is still in its early years, as it currently stands, there are no shortage of online therapy providers available to people looking for professional help. There are nearly 100 services, each offering its own unique set of features and focusing on different specialties such as online marriage counseling or cognitive behavioral therapy. The number of providers is expected to grow as the demand increases over time, making it increasingly difficult for the average consumer to differentiate between the various options available to them. Therefore, we’ve have evaluated each of the leading online therapy services, outlining all the pertinent information one needs to make an informed decision when selecting the best online counseling provider for their individual needs. Understanding our Online Therapy Reviews & Rankings Therapy is not a quick-fix type of service. It typically involves a long-term process of gradually opening up to the therapist and working on oneself to confront emotions, change bad habits and eventually overcome complicated challenges. Naturally, outcomes vary widely, and thus success fluctuates significantly between different individuals. Understanding that when it comes to emotional well-being, the definition of success also varies greatly, our rankings were heavily impacted by overall customer success stories. This information was collected over hundreds of hours of research from thousands of online therapy reviews. In addition to the analysis of our researchers, we collect feedback from professional therapists and technologists that understand both therapeutic and technological aspects of the features provided by each online therapy service we review. This includes the individual benefits of each provider, in addition to the effectiveness and drawbacks. Additionally, these reviews take a deep dive into the various areas of what the service offers including the features, sign-up process, pricing, usability, counselor support, confidentiality/privacy, counselor qualifications, and each service’s areas of strength and weakness. It’s important to note that our reviews and rankings are based on of our knowledge and experience of using each service. Success can vary from person to person and thus it’s imperative to find the service that’s tailored to best suit your specific needs. Best Online Counseling Services Reviewed